“I’m an American, and I believe in God.”

Recently, ABC News ran a nice clip about a gentle, quiet man who works hard for a living and has peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and coffee for dinner. Trouble is, for the first time in his life, he can’t pay his bills, and has applied for food stamps. (Which ABC News says now 1 in 10 Americans collect. 1 in 10?!) He gave a tour of his apartment—the empty freezer and fridge, his outdated and temperamental appliances, and minimal possessions. More doom and gloom: this man is a trained pilot and Air Force veteran who now mops floors overnight at a hospital to make ends meet. These days, the story is norm.

But by golly, the man still has his pride. And his faith in Uncle Sam and the Big Man Upstairs.

Reporter: “What do you think about all this? About how your life has changed?”
Penniless man: “I’ll be fine. I’m an American and I believe in God.”

Huh?
Time for some tough love folks. Yes, faith (the religious kind) gets people through some desolate times. But faith in the Red, White and Blue? Just because you’re an American you will prevail? I don’t know about you, but this is the first time in my short history of being alive where it’s proven—day after day—that working hard and livin’ simple just ain’t enough. The essential American Dream is coming up a Wee. Bit. Short. Success is out the window. A more appropriate term? Survival. Last I checked, that’s not in the Great Dictionary of Patriotism.

Chubs’ Snip N’ Store

I’ve decided to venture into my newest business—Chubs’ Snip N’ Store! Unbeknownst to many, the leftover “snippings” (for lack of a better word) after circumcision have amazing medical benefits! I will store your frozen snippets for a small upfront fee of $1,500, and a yearly fee of $500. Who knows what secrets the snips may hold, but, with science these days, it’s worth a save, eh?

Is Chubs getting cooky? No, I’m just citing a similar program that you’ve likely heard of—storing umbilical cord blood. It’s got loads and loads cells, the good kind! Embryonic! In this week’s Newsweek, a lengthy article stated that although one child was miraculously saved from Ceberal Palsy after a cord blood transfusion (his parents are now spokespeople for Cord Blood Registry), science has yet to prove the cells will be useful later in life. And by later in life, I mean less than 12 years of age, because there’s only enough blood cells in a cord to fully help a child, not an adult. Has the phrase “for a limited time only!” ever been so literal? Plus, Bush has placed so many restrictions on stem cell research, the little bloody buddies in the freezer—and all their fantastic uses—will be left undiscovered.

So, is it worth the cash? The Cord Blood Registry seems to think so. Just think. The chance of a baby falling out of a crib and damaging, oh, say, their lungs, is high enough that without precious stem cells, they could die!!!!

Did I mention there’s public medical banks for this all this shiz anyway? Oh, to make a buck…

The Voluntary Pink Slip. A New Trend?

According to Home Media Magazine, Best Buy is offering its corporate employees a “voluntary separation plan.” Some 4,000 employees are receiving an offer to leave—on their own terms. The package includes higher pay and enticing benefits for those willing to take the plunge. Best Buy touts its treatment of employees as the best in the industry, so is this another employee-friendly move? Or an awkward, “We’re cutting jobs. Please leave so we don’t have to make the decision on who does.”

Now, if I were employed there, I’d feel almost pressured to leave. I’m sure rumors are swirling and co-workers are thinking about each other, “My my, Sally would be a good candidate for this…too bad she’s completely ignorant that she sucks at her job.” A big pink slip would be looming over me everywhere I go, and I’d begin to question my allegiance to the company, how valuable I really am to my co-workers, and so on and so forth. Talk about an unsettling situation—I’d almost rather get the axe! Then there’s the situation of not taking the package, only to be laid off later. It’s like a biting, “You didn’t get the hint—see ya later.” Youch! And of course, there’s the people that shouldn’t leave. You know, upper-level execs and stuff. Do they get special emails? “Hey. That package thing? Not intended for you…fyi. ;)” HR has quite the situation on their hands…and I wonder, will this be a growing trend in today’s garbage pit of an economy?

The Avid Exerciser

I am not an avid exerciser. I exercise just enough to break a sweat, feel good about myself, and call it a wrap. This is a mile running (tops), 10 or so minutes on the elliptical, and an occasional spinning class (these count for 3 "regular" workouts). I go to the local YMCA (aka souped-up hyperkid central), and, it sports some impressive facilities...which is why I'm willing to put up with some annoyances to get in a "hefty" workout. Now, I'm an avid observer of human nature, kind of like a bird watcher, only I watch you, and observe, in probably a slightly-creepy way. And my favorite observation post? The YMCA Fitness center!

After months of research, I have confounded these avid-exerciser species:

• The ADD multitasker. Usually a woman, 30s to 40s, who, on the elliptical, boasts many forms of distraction, anything to get her mind off the fact she is exercising. She has a towel over the mile counter/calorie-burner counter, a magazine, a beverage, an iPod, and is watching the TV...all while carefully balancing arms and legs on the machine. Have yet to see an extreme version--coffee drinker, nail painter, cell phone talker, etc.
• The Buff guy. Tattoos and extremely large biceps paired with normal size rest-of-body muscles. Rarely does cardio workout, but grunts, sweats, and towel-dries his way through an impressive bicep-only workout of free weights and bench presses. Too manly for the treadmill and/or elliptical.
• The Sweet Little Old Retired Lady. Exercises between the hours of 11 am and 3 pm, early enough for a 4 pm dinner. Makes you think, "If I'm that old someday and can still run like her, I've led a good life." Likes to walk with an incline or bike on the sit-down kind in front of soap operas on TV.
• The Triathlete. Dressed skimpier than most, but doesn't matter because they're ripped as hell anyway. Sets treadmill for a good 10 mph and runs a minimum of 75 minutes, making everyone else look like a fat, lazy lard. Armed with a high-tec watch, an impressive iPod holder, shiny/silver sneakers, and spandex shorts. This type wears gloves to spinning class.
• The Weight Loser. Usually middle aged, has fallen off the wagon and determined to get back on the treadmill. Very friendly and enthusiastic, loves group classes. Always asking staff for tips and tricks. Proudly sports YMCA shirts/shorts/sweatpants.
  
• The Anti-Exerciser. I have saved the best for last; my favorite species of all. If a woman, has long hair down. Wears pants. Walks at 2.4 mph for 20 minutes, gets some water, and heads home. Rarely sweats and puts no viable effort into breaking one. Makes you wonder why they're there in the first place. Can't they just walk laps around the yard/house? I suspect this species has a child/children in jazz class and is burning time.

I've cleverly disguised myself to fit snugly between the anti-exerciser and triathlete, which is where most people fall anyway. Just there to de-stress in a positive way.

The Chicken Coop that is Christmas Season

Abandoned carts in the middle of aisles. Screaming/wandering toddlers. "Multitasking" (oblivious) shoppers on cell phones clogging up foot traffic. Lines. Lines. More Lines. Overflowing parking lots.

Ah, the chaos of the Christmas season is here. Yesterday, armed with my mom, her minivan, and a credit card, I braved the elements and went Christmas shopping. After a stop at Toys 'R Us and Wal-Mart, I was ready to swear off having children and celebrating Christmas in general. Nowhere in sight were signs of a slowing economy. Store after store, packed to the brim with bargain-hungry shoppers, had me feeling a bit like a chicken in a coop. Not a nice one with a wire mesh cage in a yard, where I'm free to roam. One of those coops that are tiny, stacked, noisy, smelly, and an overall disgrace to the Chicken breed. Where every chicken has the same purpose (laying eggs/snatching up gifts) and nowhere to go but on top of each other.

Chaos, paired with my indecisiveness, is disaster. I end up crawling over others, through aisle after aisle. "What about this?" "Would he/she use it?" "Don't they have one of these already? I swear I saw one the last time I was there..." And so on and so forth. Hence, I turn into my fellow shoppers, the ones I secretly despise for taking up too much room, checking out too many items, or asking the check out attendant too many questions. It's inevitable...one way or another, we all morph into a brainless, noisy chicken in these Saturdays preceding Christmas.

Open Kicking Tryouts?

I watched/listened to the Badgers vs. Cal Poly game yesterday, which the Badgers won 36-35 in overtime. The game should have never been this close as the Cal Poly Mustangs missed 3 extra points during the course of the game.

Cal Poly ran the triple option offense, which was very entertaining if you have not seen this type before. With a variety of pre-snap motions and formations the Mustangs (who are in Division 1-A or the "Football Championship Subdivision") were able to rush for 276 yards against the Badgers. None of it matter, after the Badgers converted a 2-point conversion in the last two minutes or so to tie the game and force overtime.

Check out the highlights of the game here. Keep your eye out for a wide reciever named Barden for the Mustangs. He recently broke Jerry Rice's consective games with a touchdown catch streak with 18. He no doubt will be a 1 or 2 round NFL draft pick in April.

Anyway, this reminds me of a story out of Lubbock, TX in which the Red Raiders held an open tryout for kicking. The next game, after a month of practice, Matt Williams buried 9 extra points against Kansas.

So when do the open tryouts for the Cal Poly Mustangs kicking position begin?

Taming..errr...Killing of the Shrew

Got up this morning and on my way to the shower I noticed a dead mammal just outside the bathroom door. At first I thought it was just one of the many stuffed mice that out two cats play with around the house. After I finished my shower I went out in the hall way and inspected it a little closer.

It was not a stuffed mouse....it was a black shrew with its head nearly destroyed and bitten off. The cats were in the hallway and they barely registered that this dead shrew existed, apparently they had done there duty and were ready for the day to start.

Once dressed I headed down stairs to eat some breakfast. Much to my surprise, another shrew was laying dead and maimed in the middle of my kitchen floor. Guess the cats had a busy night. As I left the house, I felt a suspicion that not all was well. So I decided to venture into our unfinished basement to have a peek.

I ventured onto a mammal on mammal trauma scene. There were chunks of flesh and hair in two separate spots and trails of blood on the steps and the floor. I'm not sure how the three shrews got into the house, but I bet it had something to do with the heavy rain we had had the night before.

Maybe I need to put a "Beware of Cats" sign on my front door.

iPod Touch....It lives up to the hype.....

Last weekend I replaced my first generation iPod (the one that the dial actually rotates!) with a 8Gb iPod Touch. For those of you don't know, an iPod Touch is essentially an iPhone with out the phone and camera functions. I was very impressed with the Touch the moment I fired it up with the usb port connection to my computer. The screen is crystal clear even for how small it is. After spending several days monkeying around with it the best features that I like are:

• Syncs with are Microsoft Outlook calendar, contacts, and email
• Surf the web with any wifi connection (more on this in a bit)
• Great zoom in function for viewing photos
• scrolling and navigation features with the touch of a finger

After I had played around with it for awhile, I realized that I can surf the net anyplace that has wifi. I quickly found our owners manual for our high speed home internet and configured our home wifi network. Just like that, I was surfing the net checking on playoff NBA scores while we were watching American Idol recaps. I can't wait until football season!!!!!

If you are thinking about upgrading you iPod I highly recommend the iPod touch!!

Big Brother is Watching You...

As I'm sure you're all aware, Facebook has inserted yet another platform to our already-monitored lives recently--the chat window. I'm not sure if I like this window-thingy, it's too early in the game to tell. But, it got me to thinking....

I manage (or, attempt to manage) four email addresses, dozens and dozens of cell phone contacts, who-knows-how-many account names and passwords to random sites like Walgreens, Google, Amazon, WalMart photo center, Flickr, Yahoo!, Expedia, the list goes on and on...MSN, AOL and AIM...

I've so many identities I'm virtually schizophrenic. Literally. And now, when I log onto my Facebook, any one of my hundreds of friends (most of whom I haven't talked to in years, who has?) can chat me up. It hasn't happened yet, but it's so damn creepy I'm on checking my notifications to see if I'm tagged anywhere, and off before you can say confirm-friend-request three times fast.

As I mentioned before, I live in a college town, and besides loving spring, college kids love Facebook. So much, that most times while in the grocery line, I can scope a friend-of-a-friend that I saw at a party 4 Saturday's ago who lives with that girl I had English with last semester on the corner of Oak street...and so on and so forth. They may not be my real-life friend, they may not even know who I am, or that I exist. But via the miracles of Facebook, there's no hiding: I can rattle off their favorite beverage of choice, movie, and current class schedule if I wanted to. Creepy in a stalkish way eh? And I consider myself a casual, few-times-a-week user. Who knows what the Facebook addicts are thinking, or to what lengths they'll go to with their new chat outlet for communication.

Spring is Here...for Good!

It's official: after months of teasing, spring is finally here in Wisconsin. If you're a resident, you know what I'm talking about--the spring teaser, that first warm, breezy day in March when you retire your goose-down Columbia jacket....only to shovel your way to the car within a weeks time. For Wisconsinites, March is always a giant slap in the face and nefarious chuckle from Mother Nature as she says, "This bitch of a winter ain't goin nowhere! Muhahahahaha..."

But, my friends, spring has finally arrived in all her full glory. The ground is greenish-brown instead of poopy-brown, the ice scraper is in your trunk, and fat squirrels have returned to their usual dumpster-diving posts. What I love about spring arriving in a normally frozen climate is just how obviously glaring it is. Everyone and their fucking hamster is roused from their hibernation corrals, and is suddenly an avid runner\tanner\bicyclist\rollerblader\binge drinker\soccer player. Whatever random activity it is that gets you outside, it's suddenly your favorite hobby--and you better be damn dedicated, because it's only a sweet seven or so weeks before it gets too muggy to function.

Now, I live in a college town. And college towns love spring. It's that last hurrah before final exams, and "It's sunny." is the perfect excuse to put off whatever it is that needs to be accomplished until tomorrow. It's ok to be mediocre when the sun emerges from its perpetual hiding spot. Oh privileged reader, have you had the luck of witnessing the classic dorm beach party? It's quite the Midwestern cultural experience--a good 60 degrees Fahrenheit, and dorm-dwellers are willing to take their tops off, ask their dorm-dwelling friends to rub them down with oil, and hold court with a beach towel and assigned reading text....on the poopy/greenish brown rugby field within the dorm's vicinity. How I love these rituals. So positively hilarious. But hey, it's spring, and however we all want to foolishly celebrate--be it by dusting off the motorcycle or indulging in a twisty cone while driving with the window down--anything is A-ok with Mother Nature.

A Monumental Achievement!

Greetings, friends! Today I bring you splendid news! I received word via our extensive marketing team (Chops searching Google) that your one, your only, your beloved has broken into the top 1,000 at www.blogtoplist.com! In fact, we made the list oh-so-easily and slid into #932, right between "Alone in the Darkness," a blog about an author in the "underworld" (whatever the hell that means), and "Baha Indonesia Yang Bakir dan Benar," which is about something important, I'm sure. To all you faithful readers out there, (Hello mom!) keep it up! And be sure to take a minute and visit our paid $pon$or$.

Besos,
Chubs

A Moment for Darfur

I'm a firm believer that no questions are stupid ones, and I'm also unfraid to display my ignorance--whether I know I'm showing it or not. With that in mind, keep reading.

This weekend I watched a most excellent special on the Darfur crisis, courtesy of the National Geographic channel. The special followed a young marine and his attempts to release his photos--clear evidence of genocide--to the world. I never quite understood why people were giving China such a hard time about the upcoming Olympics, or why peace forces just hadn't invaded the region already. Hundreds and thousands have died, millions have been displaced. So, the logical question is this: Why haven't we (or anyone) done anything?

It's quite simple, really. The Janjaweed, Arabs also known as "the devil on horseback," have swept the region, cleansing it of anyone--and anything--deemed inferior (aka Africans). They aren't shy about discussing who is supporting them--the Sudanese government. But, the government denies offering any support to them. Sudan is oil-rich. China needs oil and buys a lot of Sudan's. China's oil money goes to the government...which, eventually, goes to...seeing the connection here? Now, a country can refuse help and support from the international community (ie UN). Sudan has done just that, claiming that their "conflict" is not the definition of "genocide."
Without "clear" evidence of genocide or ethnic cleansing, no one can step in. It's tragic, really. Perhaps even a Holocaust in the making. Will we look back at these years as ones of shame? As citizens of the richest country in the world, it's so easy to push it out of our minds and turn our heads, assuming someone will take care of things, some day. But if our dollars and people aren't there, it's just not worth our precious time.

The Weed Man

The other night a representative of "Weed Man" came to my door offering a free quote for lawncare during the upcoming summer season. This was the second time that "Weed Man" stopped by my house posing this question. I was a little disgruntled having to explain that "NO, I do not want a free estimate for you to spray chemicals on my lawn that cause me to mow twice as much this summer".

I kinda wanted to ask him...."You are not really a lawncare service are you? Don't you sell weed like your name suggests?" You would almost think that it would be a great cover for a drug distribution ring. Make it so blatantly obvious that you sell drugs that the local law enforcement would never suspect anything. Paint your distribution trucks green and yellow with the title "Weed Man" right on the side! I think its a perfect cover up....posing as a lawncare service. I though this was a case the first time that they came to my door step when there was still 12" of snow on the ground!

The guy from "Weed Man" rings my doorbell and when I answer he asks me "Are you ready to start thinking about lawn care for the upcoming season?"....I wanted to reply "NO, I'm thinking about how how stupid you look in your yellow jacket asking me about lawn care when its 20 degrees with snow on the ground." I politely said "NO thanks".


The problem is that I may actually get a lawncare service this year. "Weed Man" with there door to door soliciting have turned me off from purchasing their services. The creeping charlie is getting so bad in some spots that it starts to look like a green shag carpet. I just won't be calling the "Weed Man".

The National Football League, It Trumphs All Other Sports, Even In April

At 1:00pm eastern standard time today, the NFL will release the 2008 NFL schedule. Sportscenter, on ESPN, is dedicating a 2-hour show on this subject. The show will be full of analysis on every teams good and bad aspects of their particular schedule. Talking heads will debate on the chances of different teams and critical division and rivalry matchup games. I can't wait for schedule to be released personally, as I will probably attend one or two NFL games this year.

All the hoopla and exposure is a very good indicator how big the NFL has become against the other major sports in North America. (Baseball, Basketball, Hockey, Nascar, and Golf) Compared to the other sports in the U.S., the National Football League is the 300 pound-gorilla in the room.

Here we are on April 15, the NBA playoffs are about to start, the Masters golf tournament just got over, the baseball season is just two weeks old, and we area talking about the NFL schedule. Not actual games or players, just the SCHEDULE! The season officially starts in roughly 5 months and fans are celebrating today because they will soon know which Sunday night they can get hammered while watching their favorite NFL team play the prime-time game.

This is a direct by-product of the league running and marketing a better product than the other North American sports. The MLB, NASCAR, NBA, and NHL should all take a history lesson on what the NFL has done the past 25 years to get to this points.

Thanks for reading,.....I gotta go...just 25 minutes to the schedule release......!!!

Anyone want to play Poker?

Several months ago I started to get an urge to play poker. A weekend game of poker is hard to come by more than a frequency of 3-4 times a year due to busy schedules and other responsibilities. To get over this and to feed my need to gamble, I signed up for an online poker membership at PokerStars.com


I was intrigued at the possibility of taking real money from complete strangers. I played a lot of poker in high school (those stories could take up three more blogs) and consider myself a skilled poker player. I was taught poker on cash games and never really played the tournament style that was made popular by the World Series of Poker and World Poker Tour on television. I signed up online at PokerStars, made the minimum deposit, and started playing. I had also seen the greatest poker movie ever made, Rounders, about 28 times. This had to count for something right?


After I signed up, I transferred the minimum amount to start an account and started looking for games or tables to play . At first I was overwhelmed at the number of choices available on the PokerStars.com site. I started on the cheapest cash table for Texas Hold'em (which was kind of a joke calling it a "cash table" since we were playing the small blind $.01 and the big blind $.02 ) The playing style was much different than the weekend basement variety with your buddies. There are 9-10 people at very virtual table, which makes the odds that someone has an excellent hand very good. Someone always had the high pair and bluffing was hard to come by. I failed to realize this the first few times and paid because of it.


Then I got smart and started playing in the large Texas Hold'em tournaments. My favorite is the $.10 buy-in with the $100 add on by PokerStars.com This tournament usually draws between 4,000 and 8,000 people depending on the time of day it is run. Payouts usually start in the top 10-15%. The first time I played it, I kept thinking "Hey, I only need to finish in the top 850 to win my money back! Then I realized that I have to beat out 7,500 other people to do this.


Another fun thing about PokerStars is that you play against people from around the world. Once in awhile I'll log in the afternoon and realize that I'm playing with a lot of Germans. This is mainly because that Germany is 8 hours ahead of our time. While I'm relaxing and just started playing at 4pm in the afternoon, it is midnight for the Germans.


To be honest I haven't won alot of money playing online. However, it has served its purpose.
It cures the poker fix any day at anytime.

Waitering

"There's a whole lotta' Mexican goin' on...goin on at Taco Johns!"

How I love to serenade Chops with his taco jingles these days. His response is usually, "Hey! After 4 years, I was shift manager! SHIFT Manager! That was like, 8 bucks an hour! Back in '01, that's mad money! Shut it!"

I've also had my fair share of restaurant experiences. Allow me to share.

Freshman year of college, I worked at Blimpies Subs and Salads inside the cafeteria. Yes, inside. I was one of those creepy cafeteria workers that dished up tater tots and sneezed into my rubber gloves before hashing up a 5 gallon tub of mystery jello. I thought this would be a good job to have, and, for the most part, it wasn't bad. Except for Sundays--Sundays were hell.

Sunday's shift was 4-10 pm. Mind you, that's six straight hours of uninterrupted work. Six straight hours. To the freshman college student, this is already five hours and thirty minutes too long. To put it simply, I hated Sundays because the day before it was Saturday. Saturday was, well, "house party" night back in the day...and come Sunday at 4 pm, throngs of hungover freshman in sweatpants would come rolling in...

Fellow Hungover Freshman: "Yeah, uhh...can I get um, a turkey on wheat? Wait a minute...you look familiar. Do you live in Coate hall?"

Me: "Yes." *looks down at turkey*

FHF: "Yeah man! You were at that killer party last night! Was that you who I saw fall down the stairs while trying to show off doublefisting? Hey guys! Come here! It's that girl who fell last night! Man, you got bruises or somethin' ?"

Me: "Lettuce on that?"

..and so on, and so forth. One sweatpanted customer after another...until 10 pm.

Blimpies was ok, but, nothing beats waiting on tourists. Absolutely nothing.
I waited tables at a restaurant (location undisclosed for legal purposes) for two summers in the Dells. By July, I'd had my fair share of all of the following:

Unflattering swimming suits lined by fanny packs
"Can he just eat off of my salad bar? He's under six." (Very large in menu = Children's salad bar under six, $1.99)
"So uh, what's Leinies? Is that like, a crappy local beer?"
"Can I get uh, uh Bud Lite? I left my ID in the car..."
"Do you guys cut your pizza like they do in Chicago?"
"We've been swimming all day. We're hungry. Can you just sneak us a few extra pieces of cheese bread?"
"Is that White House looking thing up on the corner any fun?"
"Can you heat this water up for me? But not too hot, it's for the baby."
"What?! You guys close at midnight?! But we just came from Marley's!"
"You're such a sweetie. Keep the change!" (.39 tip enclosed)
"You wanna put this Cognac in a to-go cup for me?"
"Noah's Rush comin' in!"

I could go on forever--you wouldn't believe the characters the Dells brought out!

The Life and Times of a Taco John's Worker

During my college years I got a job working at the local Taco John's restaurant for spending money. I learned many valuable lessons during my years of employment there. Below are a few of the most important.

Stoners are the Best Customers

Beep-Beep-Beep (Sound of drive thru alarm)

Chops (on drive thru speaker) :"Welcome to Taco John's, May I take your order?"

Stoner (in beat up 86 Escort) :"He he heee....awwww...I'll take a Meat and Potato Burrrrritoo, a large Dr. Pibb and a burrito of your choice"

Chops "Excuse me? What was the last order again?"

Stoner "A burrito of your choice......"

Chops "Ok, I'm randomly selecting a burrito of my choice."

That is just one of the many colorful late night exchanges that take place with Stoners late at night. One stoner came in and had a great insight on life:

"If Taco John and the Taco Bell Chihuahua got in a fight, Taco John would kick some major ass."

That's great to know.

Truckers are Creepy
Once in a while a truck driver would stop in for a bite to eat. Many would come in late at night and get something to eat and then go back to their truck with there food. Many were overly-friendly and insisted on making conversation about anything. While we were making their food they would continue to make more annoying conversation. They would always eye up the jailbait that I would work with. One night one of our married employees had to call her husband because a trucker made a pass at her and would not leave her alone.

Attack of the Cricket

One day I was working the lunch rush as the steamer. The person working the steamer position would prep the shell or taco then add the meat, beans, or chicken. Then the steamer would tell the prep person what toppings was to go on the taco. During this lunch rush we had a order for two soft shell tacos with black olives added. I told the prep person "two soft shells with black olives added". The prep person prepped the taco normally, added the olives, then looked away. Then something moving caught my eye, there was a black cricket in the taco amongst the black olives! The prepper then noticed this as well. She proceeded to grab the taco and threw in the garbage while laughing hysterically at me. We just looked at each other and continued to prep the orders, not a word was said to anyone about this. There were probably 5 other people in the kitchen at that time, so we stayed quiet in order to avoid a panic among everyone.

Yes....Band Aids do Occasionally fall into a Burrito

That is all you need to know.

Its Fun When a Police Chase Ends in your Restaurant

One late afternoon this car skids into the parking lot going very fast. A guy then proceeds to enter the restaurant and immediately heads to the rest room. After five minutes or so, he walks back out calmly and sits in the corner booth. Then we notice a police car parked in the parking lot facing the building with the cop looking directly in. A second police cruiser then shows up and circles the building twice. All this time, this guy is paranoid looking around and acting all shifty. Finally he leaves and the police immediately pull this guy over. Unfortunate for us, we were unable to see if the police arrested him or not.

Bartering......Its Awesome!

One of our shift managers knew a shift manager at the local Domino's Pizza. So naturally when things got slow late at night a barter would sometimes take place. Domino's would deliver 2 pizzas, some wings, cheese bread, and dessert sticks to our back door. In exchange we gave them 2 Six-Packs and Pound, 2 Super Nachos, some Churros. Nothing tastes batter than pizza after working at a taco place for three months straight. I'm sure the workers at Domino's were thinking about the same thing about tacos.

One night we had all of the Domino's items in the back office area. Workers would take a quick break to eat a slice of pizza or a dessert stick. I was back there enjoying myself when someone from the front line yells "Natalie's HERE!". Natalie was the owner of the store. A coworker and myself grab all the Domino's stuff and quickly throw it in the walk in freezer. We hoped that she would not come to the back. She did, and nothing became of it, as she didn't check out the freezer.

Grease is Everywhere

The staple to preparing fast food is grease. Nothing preps food as fast and taste as good. At Taco John's grease was used to fry the hard shell tacos, nachos, and potato oles. Even though there was a large stainless steel hood above the grease fryers, it still got everywhere. Black shoes were a required part of the uniform. Most people aren't aware of this, but grease makes the sole of your shoes bend in a un-natural position. Your toes will bend upwards, like someone is pulling on them with a string. After a shift you stink to high heaven because grease gets on you everywhere.

A 100 inches of Wisconsin Winter

This past Wisconsin winter of 2007-2008 was one for the ages. When I say one for the ages, I mean that we got dumped on for 100 inches of the fluffy white stuff, enough for anyone of any age. A "normal" Wisconsin winter gets about 40" of the fluffy white stuff. I refuse to call the fluffy white stuff by its given name in fear that the mere mention of the fluffy white stuff’s real name may result in us in Wisconsin in getting more. This winter got so bad, that I went to my local Sears and bought a $700 fluffy white stuff blower out of fear of the next storm that was forecasted to come the next day. Much to my liking I actually used the fluffy white stuff blower the following two days to remove almost 15 inches of fluffy white stuff from my driveway. Now I have the pleasure of staring at the fluffy white stuff blower all summer when sits there useless. Thank goodness our residential lot doesn’t have a sidewalk. A 100” of the fluffy white stuff multiplied by the width and length of a sidewalk would probably equal to around 57 cubic yards of total fluffy white stuff removed for the entire winter. We nearly ran out of room to put store the fluffy white stuff on our property. At its highest point, the mounds of fluffy white stuff were taller than me. I think some commercial businesses in the area had several small mountain ranges form from all the fluffy white stuff being pushed into one corner of their parking lots. It is officially now Spring and the weather should turn for better. However one shall always remeber the Winter of 2007/2008 as being the worst in recorded hister of Wisconsin for snow ....oops!

"WTF!"......its on its way to becoming the next "LOL"

Remember when you used email for the first time and it was so neat and fascinating?

It’s amazing! I can instantly send anyone a short message at their computer at this very instant! Because instantaneous communication was so intoxicating to people they started saying and writing words or phrases that they normally wouldn’t. One of the most common and overused terms in this new "era" of communication was “LOL” which stands for “laugh out loud”. (If you didn't know that you should shut off your computer and leave the room right now!)

LOL started to be used everywhere. People were writing LOL in every email after anything that was remotely perceived to be funny. LOL started to show up in television ads and on bill boards. It got sickening to read LOL everywhere. It became quickly over used and ineffective.

Which brings me to “What the fuck” or the sanitized version used on the Web “WTF”. I've notice that this phrase has popped up all over the web the past few years. Browse around on your Facebook or MySpace account and you will probably see "WTF" roughly 13 times a page.

Why is "WTF" so commonly used? For starters, is fun to say in real life. Open up the credit card bill and look at many items that you wife charged? "WTF!" Driving to the store and someone cuts you off, "WTF!" After Davidson beat Wisconsin in basketball "WTF!!"

WTF.....enjoy it before it becomes the next LOL.