The Avid Exerciser

I am not an avid exerciser. I exercise just enough to break a sweat, feel good about myself, and call it a wrap. This is a mile running (tops), 10 or so minutes on the elliptical, and an occasional spinning class (these count for 3 "regular" workouts). I go to the local YMCA (aka souped-up hyperkid central), and, it sports some impressive facilities...which is why I'm willing to put up with some annoyances to get in a "hefty" workout. Now, I'm an avid observer of human nature, kind of like a bird watcher, only I watch you, and observe, in probably a slightly-creepy way. And my favorite observation post? The YMCA Fitness center!

After months of research, I have confounded these avid-exerciser species:

• The ADD multitasker. Usually a woman, 30s to 40s, who, on the elliptical, boasts many forms of distraction, anything to get her mind off the fact she is exercising. She has a towel over the mile counter/calorie-burner counter, a magazine, a beverage, an iPod, and is watching the TV...all while carefully balancing arms and legs on the machine. Have yet to see an extreme version--coffee drinker, nail painter, cell phone talker, etc.
• The Buff guy. Tattoos and extremely large biceps paired with normal size rest-of-body muscles. Rarely does cardio workout, but grunts, sweats, and towel-dries his way through an impressive bicep-only workout of free weights and bench presses. Too manly for the treadmill and/or elliptical.
• The Sweet Little Old Retired Lady. Exercises between the hours of 11 am and 3 pm, early enough for a 4 pm dinner. Makes you think, "If I'm that old someday and can still run like her, I've led a good life." Likes to walk with an incline or bike on the sit-down kind in front of soap operas on TV.
• The Triathlete. Dressed skimpier than most, but doesn't matter because they're ripped as hell anyway. Sets treadmill for a good 10 mph and runs a minimum of 75 minutes, making everyone else look like a fat, lazy lard. Armed with a high-tec watch, an impressive iPod holder, shiny/silver sneakers, and spandex shorts. This type wears gloves to spinning class.
• The Weight Loser. Usually middle aged, has fallen off the wagon and determined to get back on the treadmill. Very friendly and enthusiastic, loves group classes. Always asking staff for tips and tricks. Proudly sports YMCA shirts/shorts/sweatpants.
  
• The Anti-Exerciser. I have saved the best for last; my favorite species of all. If a woman, has long hair down. Wears pants. Walks at 2.4 mph for 20 minutes, gets some water, and heads home. Rarely sweats and puts no viable effort into breaking one. Makes you wonder why they're there in the first place. Can't they just walk laps around the yard/house? I suspect this species has a child/children in jazz class and is burning time.

I've cleverly disguised myself to fit snugly between the anti-exerciser and triathlete, which is where most people fall anyway. Just there to de-stress in a positive way.